The President Will Speechify the Nation

Don’t miss it! This Sunday, 8pm CST. Live from the Oval Office, your tax dollars present: the President of the United States of America!

Topic: “Why it’s more important to spend money destroying Iraq instead of building bigger levees.”

I wonder if he will talk about this cool archeological find:

An excavation project on the Syrian-Iraqi border has uncovered an ancient settlement wiped out by invaders 5,500 years ago.

The ancient invaders didn’t find any WMDs, so he probably won’t address it. Plus, he no doubt is pissed because somebody invaded Syria before he could.

However, the researchers did supply yet another rationale he could use for attacking Iraq:

The discovery of the devastated remains of the ancient trading center suggests that the urge to attack and conquer cities is as old and basic as the need to build them, the researchers said.

I think that would make number 28 on the list.