Thursday, December 29, 2005

Fill in the Blank

When I want meat cut, I talk to the butcher.

When I want my hair cut, I go to the barber.

When I want my dreams of hurricane protection by next season cut up into little pieces and then flushed down the toilet thereby clogging up the pipes and flooding my bathroom, I listen to Walter Maestri:

"We're six months from the next hurricane season," Maestri says. "There is no way known to man, with all of our technology, that we can deal with all of this. And I don't know that any of us… can tell people that they should come back and experience this again."
If there’s “no way known to man” that we can be protected by next season, then we need to get a woman working on this because that is *not* what I want to hear. If they say there’s no way known to man or woman, then I want a hermaphrodite to start working on the levees. If they say there’s no way known to man, woman, or man-woman, then I want some alien species to apply their superior technology to fix the problem. If they say… well, you get the picture, and I really don’t know where to go after that.

I like this quote by Walter Baumy of the Army Corps:
"We will have hurricane protection in place by next year's season."
Hey, buddy, there’s an adjective missing there:
"We will have _____________ hurricane protection in place by next year's season."
The best ever? Adequate? Category 3? 2? 1? Shitty?

It’s just like Mad Libs! How would the experts fill in the blank?

Jefferson Parish Emergency Operations head Walter Maestri:
"As far as real protection is concerned for the community, I just don't see it."
LSU Hurricane Center scientist Paul Kemp:
“Will we have things we can depend on for resisting wave forces and surges of 17 or 18 feet? No, we won't.”
National Science Foundation member Robert Bea:
Bea says officials at the Army Corps need to tell the nation that they will not be able to protect New Orleans anytime soon.
The experts choose: shitty! Just like the levees were before!

Oh, yeah, and about the shitty way they were built before:
Baumy says that the Corps still doesn't know how many miles of levees were built that way and need to be rebuilt.
I believe this is a FYYFF moment.

1 comment:

Tim said...

I think what goes in the blank is, "somewhat better than what we had before when we didn't really have enough and still won't get what we need until those fucks I work for in Washington get off their keisters and send us the money we deserve and earned for this nation."
I know that's a lot to fit into that sentance, but I bet that's what he was thinking anyway.